Roi had a son with Cerebral Palsy. His condition would be what is concerned severe profound. This meant that Richard not only had muscle control issues, but he was also classified as non-verbal. In other words, due to the cerebral palsy, he couldn't talk.
Roi was one of the best moms I have ever met. She was a fierce protector and she was also incredibly doting. She was madly in love with her boy. As Roi came to trust me, she would leave me alone with Richard when she needed to be away from the house after school hours. Roi taught me how to "converse" with Richard. What we would do is speak then speak for him and watch his response. Although he couldn't speak words, he would show his emotions and he had a few eye signals to communicate yes and no as well as I love you. We knew that Richard was "in there" but how "in there" is wanting apple juice not orange juice? We didn't know. We could say nearly anything and he would signal yes or no or maybe laugh or scream in frustration. How much did he even really understand?
I loved Richard, I loved to hang out with him. I loved his huge laugh. Verbal or not, he had a huge personality and was full of love. As humans we like to assume. We fill in the blanks. We want to know what someone is thinking and why they do whatever they do. With Richard, that's exactly what we did. We spoke on his behalf and watched for his response.
Tim was paying a visit to his friend. His friend was terribly ill. As I spoke to Tim about his very cool beard he would look at me then look back at his friend. Tim never said a word. Tim is non-verbal. We were assuming he felt like he was friends with Dominic. We saw that in his behavior, but he never said the word. He never said anything that I know of. At least Richard would laugh, roar even. Tim, well, he can laugh, Tim can show emotions. But he's more like the strong and silent type. For the most part, Tim will just sit and watch. Now, I'm assuming here, but Tim is quite the observer.
Tim watched all of us around the room. But mostly he watched his friend. At one point his mom helped him walk to Dominic's bedside. As Tim stood there looking down at his friend, I had a perfect seat to watch his face. His expression changed. At other times he seemed to be looking into space or maybe listening. But standing there at the head of the bed he stared down at his friend. This was the look of a man deep in thought. This was the look of man with something on his mind.
As humans we like to assume. If someone doesn't communicate, we assume they have nothing to communicate. When I met Richard, he had never spoken. How much did he have to say?
About the time Roi and I graduated, Richard had received his first "talking computer." Through a switch he moved with his head, he could select different phrases, words, or even letters. Why letters, how could he possibly use letters? He surprised us all. There were phrases that Roi asked to have in the computer. These were things she said on his behalf frequently. These were things that he would laugh at and show his agreement to through an eye motion. And yet, some of those phrases never got used. Stranger yet were the letters. We found out that Richard could read and write. He knew how to spell. That young boy (now 14) had never had a spelling test, had never read aloud, never had vocabulary words or comprehension tests could read! Sure, his reading level was a little behind. But without anything but being read to and having signs read to him, he could read. And he had his own things to say. He had his own personality. He was no longer an extension of Roi. He was RICHARD.
Tim has recently gotten his first speaking computer. The technology is different now. This computer will watch his eyes to determine what he wants it to say. What will Tim say? I have no idea. Quite honestly, I doubt his mom even knows what he will say. Oh, like Roi, she dotes. She loves her boy that's clear to see. She pays attention to him and his needs and his apparent wants. She told me that the beard was all Tim's idea. He watches the Diamondbacks on TV and since many of them have facial hair, so does he. But, how different will Tim be when he can "talk?"
As humans we like to assume. Part of controlling what people think about us is a concept called "Self awareness." If we have good self awareness, we understand what people see which directly leads to what they think. People with poor self awareness don't realize at all how they come off to other people. A great example is the guy that doesn't realize people see him pick his nose in public or the girl that always talks a little too loudly. With good self awareness though we often get fake. Because I know what I want other people to see, I know what to show them. Might I sometimes choose to show something that isn't really how I feel?
Small children don't do this. Small children don't know or really care what people think of them. Many non-verbals seem to be free of this too. Do they know something we don't? What wisdom do they have to share with us? To find out we'll have to listen very carefully and patiently for they are the quiet ones.