A couple months later I had six jobs in the works but chose to take the first one that made an offer. In the end, that was the best choice. Despite the 300 mile drive back and forth on weekends and the 80 hour weeks, it was the right job. I made a difference for a company and they paid me enough to keep three households functioning at the same time. We didn't have much left over. But, we got by. And I had the flexibility to come home and work from here somewhat as my mom was dying and my wife was going through surgeries. I didn't realize at the time how blessed we were. All I could see was the exhaustion and the stress and the missing my girls.
Just about a year ago, that company created a position for me to come back home. It would have been about the same amount of money for fewer hours. It still was more hours than I wanted and had the potential to be many more. Plus, it was a shop environment that I wasn't happy with. So, I took the offer I had been waiting for at a MUCH lower wage and 40 hours a week.
We knew that we could make it work when I made these decisions. The problem is that we weren't used to being together after 9 months mostly apart with some of the highest stress of our marriage and we didn't remember how to communicate effectively. I still don't know just how far apart the wife and I were while I was making these decisions, convinced we were in complete agreement. She won't tell me.
So we went from a decent house that we bought new and plans to upgrade the bike and doing whatever I needed to do for myself without thinking about what it cost to counting every penny again. Now we live in a mobile without a garage or attic space. The bike will have to do for quite some time to come. And every single purchase goes through committee. Then in the midst of all this, we are living in the home my mother bought with many of her things that remind us of her which is sometimes haunting. And, neither the wife nor I have been in the physical shape necessary to ever finish unpacking all the way, let alone make many of the repairs that we need to or do the work to really make it the home my wife would set up.
There's much we could be miserable about. My wife deals with a home that reminds her of the loss of my mom, a woman who had become a mom to her in ways she had never known throughout her life. I look around at the chaos that stresses me out and get on the bike to get away for a few days. When I do, I have to manage pain as one of the first things on my mind because the upgraded bike won't happen.
Now, mind you, I'm not complaining. No, not at all. Actually, this is quite to the contrary. Our communication and marriage in general is at the very least equal to the best times ever in our 23 years together, if not much better. I still enjoy the wonderful view of the mountain from the front of my home. We are starting to work with this blank slate of 1/3 acre that we have. We're using this improved communication and marriage to very slowly start chipping away at the chaos, together, in a way we're never been together before. And when I was out managing the pain, I remembered what I love about this bike. It just eats the miles, it goes and goes and goes. And I'm starting to commit to it like a neglected relationship and really make it mine.
We could complain. We could be miserable. But, we're re-learning to live like Paul as he described in Phillipians 4:11 and 12. Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.
We started out so very hungry and humble and I don't think we got it then. But, this time I and then we had a restructuring of priorities. I essentially chose this life. I wanted to come back home. I wanted my girls. Now, we are learning to be content and maybe even enjoy the consequences of that decision.