Now, this should come tomorrow, but I know I won't likely get to it tomorrow. So, instead of 30 years ago today, it's 30 years ago tomorrow.
My best bud and best man, Lon, and I woke up on couches in my fiancé's mom's living room. We got up and wrestled for the bathroom, and Lon was much more muscular, but I was sneakier. I can't remember who won after all these years, but it doesn't really matter anyway.
We went to pick up my mom from the hotel and then came back to the house. We picked up my gorgeous bride-to-be and her mom and loaded up to go to the mall. She didn't have a dress, and I didn't have a suit.
The five of us piled into my 1979 Chrysler Cordoba, yes complete with the Corinthian Leather for those old enough to remember. We picked up a suit and tux shirt and bow tie in the very first store we went in.
I have no idea how many women's stores we went to before we finally found a lovely white dress with embossed white flowers all over it. My mom found a nice simple round hat to go with it. While Lon and I were standing back watching the ladies all ooh and ah over the perfect dress, FINALLY, we were attacked.
The Ninis twins from college back in Kansas snuck up behind up in this mall in Elgin, Illinois, and started pounding on our backs. That was a little weird and a brief diversion.
We went back to the house where the moms got dressed. Then when it was almost time, we headed over to the church. The plan was that Lon and I would go to the Maundy Thursday service while my mom and that gorgeous girl went down into a room in the church basement to get her ready.
Lon and I made a quick run to a supermarket where he was able to find a corsage that we put up on the coat rack near the sanctuary and promptly forgot all about.
I attended this little Lutheran church and had been in Lutheran churches for close to a decade already. I knew what was going to happen, I just didn't expect it to happen until Friday.
You see, everybody knows Good Friday, the day that Christ was crucified. Outside of the liturgical churches and indeed, even in many of them, most people don't know anything about Maundy Thursday. Maundy Thursday obviously commemorates the events that happened the day before the crucifixion. A pastor friend of mine that I told about our wedding a few days later said, "Maundy Thursday huh? Well, that's a good day for commitment," as he busted out laughing.
To make sure we're all on the same page, let's review. If the crucifixion happened on Friday, then that means that Thursday was the day of the Last Supper. It was the day that Judas split from dinner to go collect his 30 pieces of silver from the High priest and his buddies. Thursday was the day that Jesus went to the garden, knowing full well what would happen. Thursday was the day that Peter cut off a man's ear in defense of Christ and Christ healed the man and told Peter he would go with the soldiers willingly.
So yeah, we didn't plan it ahead, but yeah....
What often is done during Good Friday services in Liturgical churches just happened to be done during the Maundy Thursday service and knowing my wedding was to be immediately following the service, Lon and I were aghast!
You see, the altar, the pulpit, and the cross are all draped in beautiful white fabric, often embroidered with gold around the edges. It's lovely. And there are nice palms on the platform and the big Bible on the altar. Not a bad setting for a wedding that wasn't really planned, huh?
Well, Good Friday, the day Christ died is a somber day, a day of mourning. Somewhere usually near the end of the Good Friday service, the palms are carried away, the Bible is slammed closed and carried away and all that pretty white fabric is taken away and replaced with black.
Like I said, that usually happens on Good Friday. Well, in Trinity Lutheran Church in Elgin, Illinois, Ol' Pastor Rierson just happened to do it as part of the Maundy Thursday service! Lon and I were helpless as we sat there and watched the background for our wedding go from beautiful white with lush green palms to bleak and black!
Downstairs, the girl about to say I do had no idea what was happening above her head!
As the parishioners were filing out, Lon was sitting there laughing at me as it suddenly hit me and I began nervously pacing and simply repeating, "I'm about to get married. I'm about to get married..." About that time, a man and woman that I had never met walked in and stood in a corner of the foyer. Then the pretty girl's mom and step-dad walked in. As they have the other couple a very wide berth and gave very tiny curt nods to each other, I figured out that must have been her dad and step-mom.
Pastor came out and told us he was ready and Lon went downstairs to get my mom and the brave young lady. He came running up the aisle to stand with me as the door opened and my mom walked a true vision of loveliness up the aisle. Her two sets of parents stood as far apart from each other as they could while still being somewhere near the wedding. Her mom just shook and so did my mom as tears rolled down her cheeks.
I have to tell you that my mom was also the only one that brought a camera, so most of the pictures are blurry because she was shaking!
Her dad and step-mom took the two of us out to dessert (at the same place we first got to know each other and shared a piece of cheesecake and a milkshake after we got engaged) as her mom drove my mom and Lon back to the hotel. Then since they decided to gift us with a night in the hotel (the same one where my mom was), Lon stayed in my mom's room so she joked when she got home that she had spent the night with a 22-year-old man.
A few weeks later, we went back to Kansas for me to turn in my internship report and graduate with my Bachelor's degree.
We don't recommend marrying someone you only knew for 34 days! There are many other things we don't recommend as many years were way harder than they needed to be. But today we draw on those years and the changes that we made to have what we have today in our counseling.
For a long time, we stayed married through brute force and sheer determination. We stayed married because at any given time one of us was unwilling to quit. We buried her mom, went through surgeries, major illnesses, being missionaries with no financial support (something else I don't recommend), crazy adventures that brought laughs and tears, and frostbite. We even had the most beautiful, precious daughter,
Then finally, a few years ago, I started to quit fighting and just decide to do right. Soon after so did she. We put in the work of building a marriage. We regret that we wasted so many years, especially as we both are now dealing with physical ailments that we know will likely eventually kill us. The dramas continue as we are looking at more surgeries for her and a possible new diagnosis on top of everything she already has going on.
But, here's the thing. We did the work. We chose to be a good husband and a good wife. We chose to do the work even when we didn't want to. And in pretty short order, we went from a couple of hurting kids that sometimes loved each other and once in a while even liked each other to being madly, crazy in love.
We both always knew that we could someday end up alone and I think we always had some sort of picture in our heads as to what that might look like. I even always had some sort of plan in case that ever happened. But now, today, somehow we have to live forever because neither of us can really stand the thought of being apart.
Today we try to teach people how to learn the things in weeks that it took us years to learn.
So, here's to 30 years with Kimberly Ann, and I certainly hope 30 more!