That's part of a degenerative illness I suppose. Much of life continues to be on a learning curve. I seem to get a little worse every few weeks. But as I do, the world doesn't pause. It doesn't take a breath.
I don't really want to disembowel the washing machine. But, it didn't bother to ask if this was a good time to break down. I have another text book coming. The wife asked last night if I was finally burned out on school. That's when the tiredness became clear.
All I want to do right now is ride and write. I want to get on the bike and go see friends in Utah, California, Idaho, and Montana in particular. I want to take a week and head northish. I want to finish the book I started years ago. It's based on a true story. Some of it belongs to me. Much of it doesn't. It is a book of tremendous emotional pain, but also healing, hope, grace, and love.
So often, I've been told that I come off as confident and strong. I feel neither of those things right now. Right now, I know what I need. But I'm scared to ride, I'm scared of the disease and the symptoms. I'm scared to write because I'm afraid of the fog that fills my head when I try to think when I'm tired, and I'm always so tired.
But, I also know that I'm always happy when I succeed at something that scares me.