So, I felt a little vulnerable as young man, As sharks are to blood in the water, so are kids to extreme vulnerability in another kid. My dad, teachers, and even my first step dad all combated that through their own brands of praise and affection. Had they not, well, I don't even want to think about it. Then when I got to Sweden and then college, it was like I had gone to Mars. All of a sudden I was popular and most significantly, I got attention from the opposite sex. Before I got to Sweden, even with the friends I had, I was still on the fringes. In college I was on the fringes more out of choice than anything else. That's where I was comfortable. But with the change in how I was treated by my peers, all the praise and admiration started to finally sink in. I developed a strong sense of self confidence.
With that confidence came all the lessons I had been taught growing up. I started to feel very strongly about what it meant to be man. No longer was holding a door open all there was to be done. I was ready to be a family man. And since then I have developed pretty strong feelings in regards to dead beat dads. And the flip side to that is of course that I have a very large very tender spot for single moms.
Being a man the way God intended is a tough job. But, it's an important job! Throughout the centuries, in western cultures and many others, the man was to put himself in the line of fire for the women and children. Whether it was walking on the street side of the sidewalk to keep the lady from being splashed by mud from passing carriages or sending the women and children into the inner parts of the fortress while the men went to defend the walls, it was the man who took the risks while protecting.
Fast forward in time. Since I have been part of the long distance riding community, I have seen a number of legends die. Somehow, particularly moving are those that die in the saddle. I guess part of the tragedy is that most of these folks were among the best. Their skills were top notch and they did everything right because they understood the dangers of riding the way we do and wore the right gear and rehearsed the right moves for when a car driver did something stupid.
At the time when one of them died in a strange unexplained accident, I was occasionally riding without a helmet. I didn't have body armor or proper boots. But when this gentleman was found by a sheriff deputy, his helmet was inexplicably fasten to the back seat of his bike. As many shared their grief and stories of this man on our web-forum, one individual wrote a message directed to his dear deceased friend. He was hurt and angry that his friend would die in such a way. The message was very hard to read with the strings of profanity and obvious pain. But it was a beginning for me. It was a beginning of understanding of my own importance.
Much like the crew and passengers of the Titanic, my upbringing would have had me put the women and children on the lifeboats and all the men would have died. But the flip side is that all those wives and mothers would have had to make do without the bread winner and protector. Living in Arizona, the wife and I have had discussions of gun ownership. I had to explain to her why I would consider having a gun to defend her and others if ever we were in the middle of an armed attack. I didn't (and don't) know if I would use a gun to defend just myself against an armed attacker. She said no, I would just take my gun and beat the attacker with it.
The death of this fellow rider and the responses surrounding his death coupled with things my wife has said over recent years have made me realize that although it is my job to defend and protect, it is also my job to preserve myself for the sake of my wife and child. I have importance and significance beyond myself and what is immediately obvious.
I actually even have as an example of this, well, a single mom. Brianna and I are "fringe friends." We think of each other as friends, but we are on the fringes of each others' lives. She has the most amazing heart, she is constantly serving or gathering support for others. She serves, she works, she helps care for her ailing mother, and she spends quality and quantity time carefully raising her daughter. You would expect someone like this to be exhausted, sleep deprived, and completely neglecting of their own health. And yet, she eats right, exercises, and gets appropriate rest. I'm not even going to ask how she pulls this off as she puts me to shame. But, I do know why. She does all of this to show her daughter how to live through example, but also so that she is there for her daughter for some time to come.
We have to be aware of the big picture as providers and protectors. It is noble to save the women and children. But, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, they will still need to be cared for and they will need (and want) us. We don't have to have an inflated sense of self importance to realize we need to care for ourselves.