We are told that family dinner times are easier if we make a plan. Have our meals picked out for the week then buy groceries to suit. Then follow through with the plan.
In the Long Distance Riding community we acknowledge that 18 hours into a competitive ride we aren't at our sharpest. So we have a motto, "Plan the ride, ride the plan."
Self-help success gurus will tell you that you must have a 5-year plan, a 10-year plan. You must know the steps to success and visualize arrival.
We are planners.
Over a decade ago, the wife came to me and said, "I think you are supposed to go back to school for counseling." My first thought was to question if she had new friends and what sort of things were they inviting her to try. She let it go.
I thought.
But like any praying wife who is listening to God, she came back. "I think you need to go back to school for counseling." Then she let it go.
I thought.
Finally though, I realized she wasn't going to let it go. Not being a stubborn woman for the sake of being stubborn, there had to be a reason she was on this like a dog on a bone. So I prayed.
"God, this doesn't sound like a fun journey. The last time you talked me into journey I knew would be no fun, I was right. You're going to have sell me on this one."
His response was simple, "I will tell you when to start."
Then in 2012, it was time to start. I knew it was right and good. Progress was slow or fast depending on what else was going on in my life.
As my health declined I wondered if it was God's fortuitous timing. I now had my licensing, were things going to take off?
But as things didn't take off and my health continued to decline, I began to waver. I began to doubt. Then my health declined even more. I came to a point where at a moments notice I can be incapacitated for hours. "OK, God, now what? How's this supposed to work? Why did you bring me here just to abandon me now?"
I cried. I cried with my daughter. I cried with my wife. I could stop and cry right now. There isn't a single piece of life that I can think of that feels easy. Laying in the hospital, after a spinal tap, I had a painful spasm. The nurse didn't so much as put a hand on my shoulder. I was in agony and I was all alone. I balled like a baby.
But then, in between spasms and naps today, I remembered Elijah, Jeremiah, and Joseph. They felt alone too. They felt abandoned too. And yet, the best miracles often came shortly later. I need to seek God, I need to see God move. He's the only one that will make this work. And yet, somehow, I'm sure He will.